I realized that i changed so much from being a 1st year student. Thinking that last minute study will be fine. There will always have a solution for all the worries and shit. But you know what, the best solution will not be there if you waiting for the solution. The best solution will appear when you search for it instead of waiting for it.
A Chinese saying that 船到禁头自然直, when the time comes, there will be a solution for the problem. This is only the excuse for those who didn't have passion on there work. I refuse to give up when i know there is actually a chance. Just do your best until the end. or else you will just end up with regret.
I really need to thank Farah for my changes. Not because she inspired me, but motivated me. As I looked at her, its like Im looking through the mirror. It reflects on me. Everything she did make me feel like I saw myself. I hate it. Not that I hate her. But hated myself. Her personality is exactly like me. Make me feel so scared.
When you looked at yourself, you wont see your own problem, But when you looked other, you will pointed out everything that is wrong with them. As I looked at Farah, there are so many expect that I have a harsh feelings with, At the same time, I realize that I'm doing the same stuff like she did.
I decided to change myself. To not being like her, cause I know when i'm different from her, I'm different from my old self too. This is why I really should have thanked her instead of hating her. Through Farah had dropped off from the course, her action motivated me to keep surviving in this course. To not being like her, i won't stop my study even tho the hardest part is just going to begin. In shaa Allah. I will be Okay and will keep fighting from the old me,
As I have about two years left for me to finish my studies-era, I wonder if I can graduate in 2 years time. I started to feel anxious for my future. Will I be able to get a great job will satisfied salary? Will I even get hired? Every uncertain feeling and thought crossed to my mind. But one thing for sure is that I need to score it so that i will succeed toward the end.
I have never been that enthused before. Thanks to Vhikna and Rhen, because of them, I feel like I didn't want to get lost. I realized that friend really is a great source when you wanted to change yourself. It will be even better if you thought them as a rival. This will eventually make you feel like don't wanna lost to them and at the same time, you will get a life inspired whenever you feel like you need one, just express to them your problem. If they really like you, they will definitely get some advice from them.
I never have a friend like Vhikna before. How to say this. Erm. She is a type of friend that will speak out the most real and honest things about you when you reach a kind of level of relationship. I'm definitely ok with that. In fact, i really like her. Rather than a friend telling some untrue statement, I feel like I'm more confident and relax while being with Vhikna.
Farah definitely won't agree with me, as she isn't the type that wants to hear about the ugly truth. But I hope she will realize that, the so-called friend that will tell lie to make you feel better wont last forever. What's the point of only be friends with someone always agree with you. In the end, you will just be in your own lie and life.
I really happy with my change now and I hope it will last forever. If I need to story what had happened during my hiatus on updating the blog, 2 to 3 post won't be enough.
Until next time
Yasmin Bt Amru
12.3.15
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